When You Find Your Tribe

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yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: yours is the darkness of my soul’s return –you are my sun,my moon,and all my stars

 -e.e. cummings

In celebration of our super blood moon…gather around a fire, anchor your soul to the earth and let your worries out with the waves.

Under a sky full of stars and a bright crescent moon they gathered on the beach after dusk, stoked the fire and shared their stories. Trials, heartache, lessons. Was it the lunar cycle or their age? No matter, it’s obvious these women are in the thick of it. Being in the thick of it doesn’t leave much time for introspection or grace or forgiveness. But they make time for THIS each month—to spark their intellect and seek self-truth, collectively.

The fire ring is always a special night. Around the circle they opened their hearts and overruled their heads, writing down their fears their mistakes their ugliness their anxieties—anything they ached to LET GO. And they did. They burned the very words that weigh them down, and force them to slog through each day wearing waterlogged boots in sticky black mud. Inhaling the smoke of sweet sage, they watched the papers burn and finally gave a deep exhale. Cue the shooting star…

As the moon set over the ocean they wove themselves into a web of cerulean wool–creating a giant truss to honor their connectedness, and leaving a token on their wrists (encircled 11 times, once for each member of the group). The sky was a deep ink by then, punctured delicately by millions of stars nearly crowding the constellations.

Eight silhouettes on a quiet beach, watching the whitecaps of waves pulse against the milky way and lap at the shore—an insistent invitation to the sea. They gratefully (and some quite bravely) obliged, peeling off their layers for salty nightswimming and starlit shimmying. Later, they dried themselves by the fire and passed around the last of the Prosecco, soaking up summer and the solace of their tribe.

Lust for Life: All In

image (1) Earlier this year I went to the funeral of a 71-year old man who was tragically killed in a car crash. He was an iconic figure in the creative community, ebullient and spirited with a cult-like following of both socialites and artists, chefs and gardeners. Though I was just one of his many admirers, I felt the heartbreak of his passing deeply. After the service, in the thick of their lush and wondrous garden, his children shared stories of his passionate approach to life. He was unabashedly charming, witty, bright, always late, creative, generous, adventurous. He loved good food and beauty and music and travel and family. His passion for living practically burst from him, you could FEEL it. It was infectious and lovely. Essentially, he was all in.

Yes! All in. I took on that mantra and it's been with me ever since. So why bring it up now? I read an op/ed piece from the NYT yesterday titled "Our 'Mommy' Problem" that used "all in", as the aggregate term for the turgid phrases smattered throughout every other Op/Ed piece related to a woman's quest for happiness and fulfillment (Lean In/Have it All/Do it All/Be it All). Aaaack! No! That's not what I'm talking about. This is distinctly not THAT conversation.

All in is about having a lust for life. The insistent chorus of Iggy Pop and David Bowie's ecstatic heroin induced anthem sums it up. I got a lust for life. BEING in the moment, fully. It's about vulnerability, and risk. It's about celebrating the small stuff and embracing the shit that life deals you head on. FEEL the pain of a friend's betrayal. PLAY with your kids, instead of instructing them how to play. LOVE your partner for all of his kinks and quirks. Love YOURSELF for all of your kinks and quirks. Say yes to family time and dirty floors and mismatched stemware. I'm not promoting hedonism or stupidity, I'm talking about really, profoundly experiencing your life.

Being all in touches on mindfulness, too. Eckhart Tolle speaks of it in "How to 'Be' While Doing" and Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh expressed it perfectly in an essay on "washing the dishes, to wash the dishes". I have progressed in my experiences of Being, but I realized that I can be so caught up in these moments that I've forgetten to look at the big picture as well. Does my work make me happy? Does it sustain my family or serve our greater goals? Have we even thought about our greater goals? What are we gaining from living in this particular house, with all of these lovely things, if we're working too hard to enjoy it? Let's ask these questions. Let's dive deep! I got a lust for life and I'm ALL IN.

5 Things I Learned After 40

IMG_5121 Let's cut to the chase. Since turning 40 (or maybe even let's say 41) I've had a great number of "aha moments." Yeah, I'm pretty much Oprah level by now. Or at least Gayle. I even considered naming this post "What I Know For Sure." I don't know why self discovery comes more quickly at this stage in the game, but it's kind of cool.

Here are a few nuggets:

1. A great paycheck and rock star benefits do not feed your soul. Doing what you love and are good at, with people you like, feeds your soul. Flexibility helps too. Until pushed, I was accepting the status quo of a career I fell into. Don't wait for the ax to fall, honor your true gifts and passion and the rest will follow. I've read this a million times over, but it's really true. Woo woo!

2. Tequila, club soda and lime will not give you a hangover. But wine, too many IPA's, limoncello, or cocktails with sugar will definitely mess you up. QUICKLY.

3. Anyone can run a marathon. You just have to train for it. And long distance running is a sham. Okay, not really a sham but more like something-that-takes-a-lot-of-time-and-energy-and-doesn't-provide-the-amazing-physical-results-you-might-expect. I ran a marathon before my 40th birthday and sustained a regular schedule of half marathon distance runs for the following year and a half to "keep my momentum." I gained endurance and proved my perseverance, but I lost a total of 8 pounds in those two years and I was in a position to lose A LOT more. I still run, but not to an extreme. CrossFit and a paleo "inspired" menu have made a huge impact on my wellness (and weight).

4. Treat yo self. If you are not healthy and happy, your hubs, partner, colleagues, kids, won't be happy either. If you need to spend $200 on your haircuts and color, do it. Because trust me, I tried to do my hair myself and it was horrible. If you love CrossFit (or Pilates or Yoga) and it keeps you lean and off meds, then it's money well spent. If being happy means you demand an infinite supply of fresh ground coffee and dark chocolate, then so be it.

5. You be you. Other people don't think about you as much as you think they think about you. In other words, by focusing on what other people think, you're not focused on being you. So just be you. It's easier.

P.S. The image was created for a retreat I co-organized around The Desire Map, by Danielle LaPorte. The phrase "Decide to RISE"  came from her book...she's amazing.

Forever Young: The Queen Bee Turns 90

Marcy90_0005The MatriarchLovin’ on my gram isn’t always easy. She’s a feisty red head, at heart, in her youth and now via bottle. Still, Marcella is the Matriarch of our tight knit family and we love her Madly. She has a brood of 4, plus 5 grands and 4 greats. Married to the “Chief” for more than 50 years, our family has a strong foundation and sticks together through it all. The in-laws are IN, and they accept our eccentricities. Through marriage and divorce, sickness and health, we all come together. While the Chief left us a few years back, Marcella Jean (or “Maxy”) turned 90 today, and this is how we celebrated.

Home Movie I know there must be some 8mm clips, recorded somewhere. But I don’t have them, so I created a simple scrapbook-style movie of fave family moments and images from Grandma Marcy’s life. While In the Mood by Glenn Miller nearly me drove me out of my gourd (longest 3:26 of my life), I had some fun with Herb Albert’s Tijuana Taxi, the bubble gum popper I’m into Something Good by The Bird and the Bee, and finally, the heartfelt yet peppy version of Bob Dylan’s Forever Young. It came in under 15 minutes, which seemed to be the perfect amount of time for everyone to giggle, sigh, and regret some awesome haircuts (did someone say perm? or um, mullet?).

Storytelling I am big on thought here, short on action. I think it’s fantastic to have recorded stories of our family’s history.  Have I done anything to make this happen? No. StoryCorps does this all over the country, and I love to hear the vignettes on NPR. In the spirit of StoryCorps we had everyone share a memory of the Birthday Girl. I video-recorded each one with my iPhone. It’s a start. My M opened the series with a reading of Invitation, by Shel Silverstein, and B drew her a picture of a bird. Which he promptly left at home. My nieces sang “You Are My Sunshine” with a little help from their Oma. The stories were funny, soulful, and grateful. Meticulously planned and lovingly spontaneous. I saw the origin of (many of) my beliefs and quirks through the eyes of my dad, my aunts, uncles and cousins.

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Ohana Family. It’s in the way we lead that children are cultivated and grown. Relationships nurtured. Parenting is not so much about following rules. The rules are inherent in the WAY we are raised and HOW we guide and inspire our own children. Not in a list of do's and don'ts.  I know not everyone is as lucky to have family near by, or willing to travel the distance for these milestone moments. But making the effort means so much--and teaches the next generation that connecting really does MATTER. Family first.

"The story of w...

"The story of women's struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights."-Gloria Steinem

This quote, featured on the home page of the International Women's Day website, says so much to me about feminism. When I was younger, and studying for my Women's Studies major, I may not have articulated this very well. But with age comes wisdom (!) and the ability to use other people's words to validate your own. I have so much more to say lately on the topic of "women's issues" and worklifebalance and feminism and havingitall but for now, I'll let Gloria's quote settle. I thank all of the amazing women today, and throughout history, who have fought for my rights and choices, who have inspired women like Steinem and Stanton and Friedan, and who continue to fulfill and inspire me daily. You know who you are. xoxo

Let's Do This! Running to Race, Racing to Run

32170426_PeFmt7fb_c AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME to expose my personal/physical goals, I know that making such public statements enhances their probability of success. I came close to calling this "A Quarterly Commitment to Mark Miles + Drop Pounds" but just couldn't do it. Yuck. Yawn. Bleh.

What I want to know is...how do you prioritize exercise? We're all BUSY. Working Moms? MotherRunners? What INSPIRES you? What MOVES you? Also...What are your biggest challenges in fitness? in food?

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Since training for a marathon (which I did to the letter, solo) I've kind of lost my discipline.  Mainly because I can "cheat". While the 26.2 had me scared serious, now I could run a 15k without much training. I'm getting lazy. But in 2013 I'm stepping it up (without the 26.2 sacrifices--friends, family, toenails). This year I'm committed to a program of four half marathons with a healthy sampling of 5, 10 and 15ks. I signed up for the La Jolla Half Marathon, April 28, #2 in the Triple Crown Series (Carlsbad Half Marathon, La Jolla Half Marathon, America's Finest City(AFC)). I've already completed Carlsbad, in August it's AFC, and in November it's Silver Strand.

I'm inspired by other athletes, and I like to be a role model for my kids. I'm at my best when I get up early to run, and I feel like a total badass when I swing a kettlebell and do box rock jumps in my backyard. I use Runkeeper to track my workouts, and honestly I love seeing the numbers add up. On the flip side, I'm using LoseIt! to track food. Yes, I like data. Numbers. Stats. And while I'm strong and athletic-ish, I can only imagine the impact when I focus on BOTH goals at the same time. Yes! Let's DO this!

It's a New Day

I'm always a bit delayed on my New Year's Goals...I give myself until January 26th, my birthday, to set the wheels in motion. Also, from Thanksgiving until about now I've been in a bit of a funk. Today I really felt the energy of the new year and wanted to grab it and run (which I did, 11 miles baby!). Between now and my birthday I'm going to lay out a few simple resolutions (in no particular order), and I'm phrasing them in the most productive, positive way possible.

2013 Resolution

"At the end of this year I'd like to feel like I followed through on the commitments I've made to both people and projects."

First in order? To thank and honor the super cool Liebster Award I was given by Go Mama O!

Liebster-Award

Facts of the Liebster Award

The Liebster Award’s origins are pretty much a mystery. Bloggers nominate other bloggers that have 200 or less followers. It’s basically a “Hey, that’s a sweet little blog you’ve got there. Here’s an award!” You can’t just accept the award. You have to play by the (ever-changing) rules and pay it forward. Then you can put the award on your blog for all to see.

The Rules:

1. List 5 facts about yourself.
2. Answer the 5 questions given to you. (My 5 questions for each of the 5 nominated blogs are near the bottom of this post!)
3. Create 5 new questions for the bloggers you nominate for the award.
4. Choose 5 worthy bloggers to nominate. (At the very bottom of this post you will find the links!)
5. Go to each bloggers page and let them know about the award.
6. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog. (see the intro of this post!)
5 Facts about Me:
1. I was a total asthmatic klutz as a kid and now I consider myself athletic.
2. I can sing/rap every lyric to Rob Bass and DJ EZ Rock's It Takes Two.
3. I absolutely loved the era of my life when my sole function was to get up at 5 AM to make coffee and get paid for it.
4. I write ad copy in my head and daydream tweets, t-shirt slogans, and headlines that will never be seen.
5. My friends and colleagues think I'm totally organized but I often feel like a lazy, chaotic procrastinator.
Go Mama O's 5 Questions:
  1. You gain 30 minutes of free time. What do you choose to do? I am a total magazine whore. Instead of trying to clean something, fold laundry or something so productive I would sit down and pour over WIRED, Sunset, Women's Health, Vogue, Elle Decor, Vegetarian Times, you name it.
  2. What’s your favorite holiday tradition? Much of my family heritage is English, and we break out the Christmas crackers at our Christmas Eve feast. My aunt and cousins make them, and each one has silly little trinkets and candy. This year we were all treated to fake gnarly teeth, paper crowns, jingle bell necklaces and a custom "would you rather" question to answer out loud at the table.
  3. Name one person who inspires you. This is so difficult. Okay, Virginia Woolf. Honestly, I think she was such a rock star. Totally independent, bright, curious, brilliant.
  4. What’s your favorite type of cheese? Oh god really? I have to PICK? Shoot. Drunken Goat from Spain. I also love Blue Camembert. And the real deal Parmegiano Reggiano.
  5. What do you like most about social media or writing a blog? I love that you can make meaningful connections with other people across the country, across the globe, that you have never met before.

My Five Questions for You 1. If you could pick a theme song for yourself, what would it be? Imagine the opening credits in the movie of YOU, or when you walk out into the ring for the biggest fight of your life... 2. What one quote/saying inspires you consistently? 3. You've been given $10,000 to donate to any one (non-profit) cause. Where do you invest? 4. If you could own one piece of art from any major museum what would it be? 5. What do you consider to be your most brilliant asset?

My Liebster Nominees – Check these ladies out!

http://breakthelookingglass.wordpress.com/ http://relishthejourney.net/ http://notdifferentbutinteresting.wordpress.com/ http://leoniecumiskey.com/ http://clarecooks.wordpress.com/

Thanks again Mama O!

True Colors

I discovered The Color Run over a year ago, cruising the web for exciting events to fill my run card in 2011-2012. Low and behold, shortly thereafter a San Diego date was announced. Woohoo!!! If you know me at all, you know that I'm basically obsessed with COLOR. It's bursting out of the artwork on my walls, the patterns on my pillows, the curtains on my windows, and the clothes that I wear. LOVE it. SOoooo...what better running experience than to get with your girls and be sprayed, doused, sprinkled and dusted with a fine powdery rainbow? None. SOLD!

I sported a bright pink streak in my hair and one of the retro sweatbands (pictured on my gal pal above), along with a white longsleeve T, black shorts and tiedyed socks to prove my cool factor. Without the timing chips there were plenty of booty shakes and a host of high fives. I have to say, while my idyllic route fantasy of a lush green meadow and a rusty dirt trail did not materialize in the industrial grey parking lot of Qualcomm stadium, being color bombed in this urban setting sort of worked. I played a rockin' soundtrack in my head of Beastie Boys, Beyonce,. and Cyndi Lauper, so if there was an area for improvement it would be MUSIC. We needed it. It CALLED for it! Maybe next time. Until then, I'll be saving my whitest whites for next year's baptism of color.

Running Club

Image I missed this morning's run due to the Mister being on travel and the twins having a soccer game. I like these to be the rare exceptions to what I hope becomes a long tradition. Last year I was running at this time by myself, training for my first marathon. While I stuck to the schedule and completed my goal last January, I'm not nearly as motivated on my own now. This spring I was invited to join some other moms on a Saturday morning run, and I gladly accepted. Anything to make me accountable! I look forward to it now, and rarely find an excuse not to meet up for these weekly runs which end in a sweaty koffeeklatch at Starbucks.

There are no 26.2s in my near future, but I'm keeping on task by calendaring in a handful of half marathons over the course of the year. And this time, I'm running with friends. What motivates you?

Mother Magpie's

I am super happy for my mom, she is starting her own business called Mother Magpie's--it's a funky mix of her vintage treasures and DIY handiwork. I got the fabulous job of designing her logo, business cards and signage. We did a large rubber stamp that she can use on manila shipping tags, and the next item up for design is a banner.When searching for the perfect shipping tag image I came across this gorgeous site! It's called Olive Manna - Textiles & Paper Goods. I think I'm in love...go check it out yourself.

Art Between the Hours

I'm in my first group show at Project X Art Gallery in Solana Beach. I accepted the invitation with excitement and trepidation...I've shared my designs with many, but kept my painting close to home. Well, it's a New Year and I'm up for the challenge. Art Between the Hours features some extremely talented artists that are way out of my league. Really, I'm quite fortunate to be included with them. Cheers Ladies! And thanks again Jen, for the invitation... Celebrate with us this Saturday night from 6 - 10 PM at Project X Art Gallery:

Valentine Making

Thank you to all the cool ladies that joined creative forces and produced beautiful, quirky, heartfelt valentines. "RUSH me to the {hotel} room" "Will you be my monkey?" and "Tickle Tim the Talking Pickle" were some of the fine sentiments shared. Now I'm working with the boys on valentines for their classroom party. They are supposed to be left without names, no "for" only "from". But Max has one gal in mind...Maeve. He wants her to get the one with "kissy lips" and hot lava. MEOW. I heart young love...

Happiness is...

Happiness is...Coffee, Best Friends, Responsible Ecological Choices, and Great Design

I had the pleasure of spending great BFF time with KT in Minneapolis last weekend. While my original gift idea was to locate a quality version of the old "Best Friends" necklace, with the charm split in two, we found something better. In our shopping excursions we located a sophisticated, yet utilitarian item already on my holiday wish/give list:

I Am Not A Paper Cup James Burgess, 2007 An eco-friendly alternative to disposable cups, this double-walled porcelain version with a pliable silicone lid keeps beverages hot and doesn't burn your hand. Found in a variety of locations--momastore.org, thinkgeek.com--we found these at Paper Source in Uptown Minneapolis. I heart mine.